so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
