$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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