we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
