dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize