So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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