i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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