i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
