they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
