This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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