he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
