If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
