her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
