why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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