I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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