She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
