I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
