On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
