keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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