I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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