is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
