Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
