it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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