just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
