My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
