I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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