I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
