After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
