apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize