Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
