My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
