When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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