meet me or not, i'm out of control
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
