Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
