im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
