Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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