What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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