I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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