You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
