so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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