So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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