Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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