so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
