I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
