And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Randomize
