____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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