I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
