I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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