At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
