He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
