i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
