I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
