Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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