Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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