Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
