I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
