so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
