i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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