walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
