She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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