weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
