Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
