My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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