"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dick very happy bro
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
