Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
