i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
