i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
