He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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