I'm really into asian looking animals
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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