I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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