He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
