Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
